10 Mistakes That Lead to Unhappiness— And What Lao Tzu Teaches Us About Avoiding Them

Do you ever feel like life is a constant struggle, filled with problems and unhappiness at every turn?

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu believed that many of our troubles stem from common mistakes in approaching life. His timeless wisdom offers a path to greater peace and contentment.

By understanding and avoiding these 10 key mistakes Lao Tzu warned about, we reduce our suffering and find a renewed sense of harmony and joy. 

1. Forcing Things & Going Against the Flow

One of Lao Tzu’s core principles was wu wei, or effortless action – not forcing things but working with the natural flow. 

He observed that when we push too hard to make something happen or resist the way events are unfolding, we often create problems for ourselves. Forcing a square peg into a round hole will only lead to frustration and damage. 

Similarly, when we fail to adapt and insist on doing things “our way” even when it’s clearly not working, we create unnecessary struggle. 

If we can learn to be more like water, flowing flexibly around obstacles in our path, we can reach our goals with less stress and strife.

2. Neglecting Stillness & Reflection

In our fast-paced modern world, we often forget the importance of slowing down. Lao Tzu recognized that inner peace comes from time for stillness and letting go of our worries and distractions. 

When we get caught up in the hectic rush of life, we lose touch with our deeper selves. Anxiety, anger, and other negative emotions often arise from this imbalance. 

Building moments of quiet and self-reflection into our days can help us stay centered and respond to life from a place of wisdom rather than knee-jerk reactions. 

Even a few minutes of meditation or sitting with our thoughts can powerfully reset our perspective.

3. Clinging to Material Possessions

Lao Tzu saw that the more we base our happiness and self-worth on external objects, the more insecure and unsatisfied we become. There’s always something else to want or fear losing.

Studies have found that materialistic values are indeed linked with lower well-being. (ref) While having enough to meet our needs is important, endlessly pursuing more leaves us in a state of lack. 

Lao Tzu advises us to be content with simplicity and realize that our value comes from within, not from what we have.

4. Resisting Life’s Natural Changes

When we cling to things staying the same, we set ourselves up for disappointment and pain. Relationships, careers, health – every aspect of life evolves over time.

Accepting and even embracing change allows us to live with greater ease. We can learn to welcome new chapters while cherishing the old. Resisting the inevitable only prolongs our suffering. 

Lao Tzu encourages us to be like the flexible willow tree that bends with the wind rather than the rigid oak that cracks under pressure.

5. Constantly Striving & Competing

Our culture often tells us we must be the best, have the most, and constantly prove our worth. Lao Tzu saw the folly in this relentless striving. He argued that we find greater peace when we drop the need to show off and compete with others.

Endlessly chasing external markers of success is exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling. There will always be someone with more accomplishments or possessions.

He instead suggests finding contentment in being our authentic selves and doing what matters to us without worrying about how we measure up. This allows us to live with greater ease and joy.

6. Underestimating the Power of Patience

Lao Tzu pointed out that we want what we want and struggle against anything that delays our gratification. But some of the most important things in life – like growth, healing, and deep relationships – simply cannot be rushed.

Patience doesn’t mean being passive; it means trusting that things will unfold in their proper time. Think of the farmer who plants a seed and then must wait to see it sprout and mature. 

Trying to force the process will not make it go any faster. Learning to embrace patience and persistence in working toward our goals can help us avoid anxiety and disappointment.

7. Ignoring the Importance of Moderation

Lao Tzu frequently extolled the value of moderation and warned against excess.

When we overdo things, whether work, eating and drinking, or even exercise, we risk burning ourselves out and creating health problems. It’s all about finding a sustainable balance.

This applies to our emotional lives as well. Swinging between extremes of joy and sorrow, love and hate, leads to instability and turmoil. 

The middle way, which Lao Tzu advises, allows us to experience life fully but not be thrown off center by its ups and downs. Enjoying things in moderation helps us appreciate them more.

8. Failing to Yield & Compromise

Another aspect of Wu Wei that Lao Tzu emphasized was the importance of yielding and compromising rather than always insisting on our own way. When we’re rigid and unyielding, we build walls between ourselves and others.

Relationships suffer when we can’t accommodate differing needs and opinions. Lao Tzu recognized that softness and flexibility are strengths that allow growth and connection. 

This doesn’t mean being a pushover but having the wisdom to know when to stand firm and accommodate. 

Choosing our battles carefully prevents a lot of unnecessary conflict.

9. Dwelling on the Past or Future

Lao Tzu insightfully observed that so much of our mental and emotional suffering comes from being lost in thoughts about what has already happened or might occur rather than engaging with what’s here now.

The present moment is truly all we ever have. When we’re fully in it, not resisting or judging it but simply experiencing it directly, a profound contentment emerges. 

He invites us to let go of regrets about the past and worries about the future so that we can more deeply enjoy and respond to life as it unfolds.

10. Forgetting Our Interconnectedness

Lao Tzu viewed all of life as deeply interconnected. He understood that when we get caught in a narrow sense of self, disconnected from the world around us, we create many problems for ourselves and others. 

Forgetting our kinship with all things leads to selfishness, greed, and aggression.

However, when we can expand our identity to include a felt sense of oneness, our natural compassion and care emerge. We see that our well-being is intimately tied to the well-being of our community and environment. 

Lao Tzu encourages us to live with an open and loving heart, to be compassionate toward ourselves, and to reconcile all beings in the world.