10 Steps to Finding Peace with Yourself & Healing from Your Past

When we are young, we lack the cognitive tools to process and manage challenging experiences. As children, we simply don’t possess the pre-frontal cortex development needed to understand and contextualize those intense emotions,¹ often leaving them unresolved within us. 

These unhealed wounds can manifest later in life as self-doubt, anxiety, or a persistent feeling of unease. However, it’s never too late to make peace with your past with these steps towards healing. 

1. Acknowledge & Accept Your Past

The first step is acknowledging the events, choices, and experiences that have shaped your past. Avoid suppressing or denying these aspects of yourself.

Accepting your past doesn’t mean condoning any mistakes or hurt you may have caused, but it allows you to move forward.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat your past self with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Recognize that you were doing the best you could with the knowledge and resources available at the time.

Forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings or regrets.

3. Identify & Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Pay attention to the negative thoughts and beliefs you hold about your past. Challenge these thoughts with evidence and reframing.

Replace self-criticism with self-affirming statements.

4. Gain Perspective & Understanding

Reflect on the lessons learned from your past experiences. Consider how these lessons have contributed to your personal growth and development.

Understanding the context of your past choices can help you make peace with them.

5. Express Your Emotions

Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions associated with your past. Whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, or shame, expressing these emotions in a healthy way can be cathartic and liberating.

6. Make Amends When Possible

If your past actions have harmed others, consider making amends. Apologize sincerely and take steps to repair any damage you may have caused.

Making amends can bring closure and foster healing for both yourself and others.

7. Focus on the Present & Future

While it’s important to acknowledge and learn from your past, avoid dwelling on it excessively. Shift your focus to the present moment and the possibilities that lie ahead.

Set new goals, pursue your passions, and create a fulfilling life.

8. Seek Support if Needed

If you’re struggling to make peace with your past, don’t hesitate to seek support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counselor.

They can provide guidance, encouragement, and a safe space to process your emotions.

9. Practice Gratitude for Growth

Reflect on the positive aspects of your past experiences. Identify the challenges you overcame, the lessons you learned, and the ways in which those experiences shaped you into the person you are today.

Expressing gratitude for these growth opportunities can help you appreciate the journey you’ve taken.

10. Create a Ritual of Release

Symbolically let go of your past through a ritual or ceremony. This could involve writing down your regrets or past burdens and then burning or burying the paper, creating a piece of art that represents your healing journey, or engaging in a meditation or prayer focused on forgiveness and release.

Choose a ritual that resonates with you and feels meaningful.

Making peace with your past self is an ongoing process. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout the journey. Embrace the opportunity for growth and transformation that comes with self-reflection and healing.

Source:

1. Nature