15 Common Issues That Can Destroy a Marriage

Did you know that nearly 70% of marital conflicts remain unresolved over time? According to research by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist specializing in marital stability and relationship analysis, these perpetual problems can create ongoing tension and dissatisfaction.¹

Maintaining a healthy marriage involves navigating numerous challenges, and understanding the common pitfalls can help you safeguard your relationship.

Here are 15 factors that can destroy marriages and love, along with insights into how these issues can manifest and ways to address them.

1. Poor Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. When couples fail to communicate effectively, misunderstandings and resentments can build up. This lack of communication can lead to feelings of neglect and frustration.

Effective communication involves both speaking and listening. It’s not just about expressing your own needs but also understanding your partner’s perspective. When communication breaks down, it often results in arguments that could have been avoided, creating a toxic environment where love and respect struggle to survive.

2. Financial Problems

Money is one of the leading causes of stress in relationships. Financial difficulties can put immense pressure on a marriage, leading to arguments and resentment. Financial disagreements are a significant predictor of divorce, even more so than other common marital issues.

Financial stress can stem from various sources, such as job loss, debt, or differing spending habits. When couples don’t work together to manage their finances, it can create a sense of instability and mistrust.

Developing a shared financial plan and being transparent about money matters can help alleviate some of this strain.

3. Infidelity

The breach of trust that comes with cheating is often irreparable, leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness. Studies indicate that infidelity is one of the most cited reasons for divorce.^(ref)

Rebuilding trust after an affair is challenging and requires time, honesty, and a willingness to forgive.

Couples who manage to overcome infidelity often do so with the help of counseling and a strong commitment to rebuilding their relationship. However, for many, the damage caused by infidelity is too great to repair.

4. Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy is a crucial aspect of a romantic relationship, encompassing not just physical closeness but emotional connection as well. When intimacy dwindles, partners may feel unloved or unimportant, leading to emotional distance.

The causes of diminished intimacy can vary, from busy schedules and stress to unresolved conflicts. Couples need to make time for each other, prioritize their relationship, and address any underlying issues that may be affecting their intimacy.

5. Unresolved Conflicts

Every couple experiences conflicts, but how they handle them can make or break a marriage. Unresolved conflicts can fester and grow, leading to ongoing resentment and hostility. Couples who effectively resolve conflicts are more likely to have long-lasting, happy marriages.

Effective conflict resolution involves addressing issues openly and calmly, finding common ground, and making compromises. When conflicts are left unresolved, they can create a toxic environment where negative emotions overshadow positive ones, making it difficult for love to thrive.

6. Different Life Goals

When partners have different visions for their future, it can create significant tension in a marriage. Whether it’s differing career aspirations, views on having children, or lifestyle preferences, these discrepancies can lead to conflict and dissatisfaction.

Couples need to discuss their long-term goals and ensure they are aligned. Compromises may be necessary, but both partners must feel that their dreams and aspirations are valued and supported.

Without this alignment, the relationship can feel like a constant struggle, eroding the love that once brought them together.

7. Lack of Appreciation

Feeling appreciated is vital in any relationship. When one partner feels taken for granted, it can lead to resentment and a sense of worthlessness. Couples who regularly express gratitude towards each other report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

Showing appreciation doesn’t require grand gestures; small, everyday acts of kindness and acknowledgment can make a significant difference. Taking the time to thank your partner and recognize their efforts can help strengthen your bond and keep the love alive.

8. Stress & Mental Health Issues

Stress and mental health issues can take a toll on a marriage. When one or both partners are struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems, it can affect their ability to connect and support each other. The stress can also stem from external factors like work, family, or health issues.

Couples must support each other during tough times and seek professional help if needed. Understanding and patience are key, as well as maintaining open lines of communication.

Neglecting mental health can lead to emotional distance and strain on the relationship.

9. Over-Dependence on Technology

In today’s digital age, technology can be both a blessing and a curse. While it offers numerous ways to stay connected, it can also become a significant distraction and source of conflict. Excessive use of smartphones, social media, and other digital devices can lead to neglect and reduced quality time with your partner.

Couples should set boundaries for technology use, such as designated tech-free times or areas, to ensure they are fully present with each other. Prioritizing face-to-face interactions over virtual ones can help maintain a strong emotional connection.

10. Lack of Shared Interests

Shared interests and activities can strengthen a marriage by providing opportunities for bonding and creating positive experiences together.

When couples have few or no shared interests, they may find it challenging to connect and spend quality time together.

Finding common hobbies or activities can reignite the spark in a relationship. It doesn’t have to be something both partners are passionate about initially; trying new things together can lead to the discovery of new shared interests and create lasting memories.

11. Poor Conflict Management Skills

How couples handle disagreements can significantly impact their relationship’s health. Poor conflict management skills, such as shouting, name-calling, or avoiding the issue altogether, can lead to emotional harm and erode trust.

Learning effective conflict management techniques, such as active listening, staying calm, and seeking compromise, can help couples constructively navigate disagreements. Couples therapy or conflict resolution workshops can also provide valuable tools for improving these skills.

12. Unrealistic Expectations

Entering a marriage with unrealistic expectations can set couples up for disappointment. Believing that your partner will fulfill all your needs or that marriage will always be easy can lead to frustration when reality doesn’t match up.

It’s essential to have realistic expectations and understand that no relationship is perfect. Accepting each other’s flaws and working together to overcome challenges can strengthen the relationship and foster a more profound, enduring love.

13. Lack of Personal Space

While togetherness is important, so is maintaining individuality. A lack of personal space can lead to feelings of suffocation and a loss of identity, which can strain a marriage.

Each partner needs time to pursue their own interests and maintain their own social connections.

Balancing time together and time apart can help couples maintain a healthy relationship. Encouraging each other to pursue personal goals and respecting each other’s need for space can prevent feelings of resentment and keep the relationship balanced.

14. Substance Abuse

Substance abuse can wreak havoc on a marriage. Addiction can lead to financial problems, emotional and physical abuse, and a breakdown of trust and communication. The destructive behavior associated with substance abuse can create a toxic environment that is difficult to recover from.

Seeking professional help is crucial in dealing with substance abuse.

Support groups, therapy, and rehabilitation programs can provide the necessary tools for recovery and rebuilding the relationship. However, it’s a challenging journey, and not all marriages survive the strain of addiction.

15. Incompatible Parenting Styles

Parenting can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging aspects of a marriage. Incompatible parenting styles can lead to conflicts and stress, affecting both the marriage and the children involved. Disagreements about discipline, education, and other parenting decisions can create a divide between partners.

Couples need to discuss their parenting philosophies and find common ground. Consistency in parenting is important for children, and presenting a united front can strengthen the marital bond. Seeking parenting classes or counseling can also help couples align their approaches and improve their teamwork.

By recognizing and addressing these potential pitfalls, couples can work towards building a stronger, more resilient relationship. Marriage requires continuous effort and a willingness to grow and adapt together, but with dedication, love can indeed endure.

Source:

1. gottman.com article