You’ve probably heard the saying, “You are the sum of your habits.”
It’s true – the little things we do day in and day out shape who we are and how we’re perceived by others. While some habits are harmless, others can unknowingly push people away, damaging our relationships and social connections.
1. Constant Negativity
Research has shown that constant exposure to negative emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. (ref)
This is why negativity is such a major turn-off for most people. If you’re always complaining, criticizing, or seeing the glass as half-empty, it can be draining for those around you. Instead, try to cultivate a more positive mindset:
- Practice gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal
- Reframe negative thoughts into more constructive perspectives
- Surround yourself with positive influences and limit time with negative people
2. Lack of Listening Skills
“Effective communication is a two-way street,” as stated by public speaker Marcus Alexander Velazquez in his TEDx Talk titled “The Art of Effective Communication.” (ref) “If you are not speaking and communicating, then be an active listener – give focus, attention, and respect.”
Basically, if you’re not actively listening when others are speaking, you’re sending the message that you don’t value their thoughts and opinions. Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking follow-up questions to show you’re engaged.
3. Always Playing the Victim
While it’s important to acknowledge your own struggles and challenges, constantly portraying yourself as a victim can be draining for those around you.
Take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, and focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Seek support when needed, but also recognize your own resilience and ability to overcome obstacles.
4. Interrupting Others
Interrupting is not only rude, but it can also make people feel dismissed and unimportant. Wait patiently for the other person to finish their thought before chiming in.
If you tend to interrupt frequently:
- Take a deep breath or count to three before responding
- Jot down notes if something comes to mind while they’re speaking
- Apologize if you accidentally interrupt and let them continue
5. Excessive Talking
On the flip side, dominating conversations can be just as off-putting as interrupting. Make an effort to balance your contributions with active listening, and leave room for others to share their perspectives.
6. Being Unreliable
Consistently breaking promises, showing up late, or flaking out on plans can erode trust and make others hesitant to rely on you. If you commit to something, follow through whenever possible. If circumstances change, communicate openly and honestly with others, and do your best to make amends.
7. Constantly Seeking Validation
While it’s natural to want approval and acceptance from others, constantly seeking validation can come across as needy or insecure. This behavior can put undue pressure on relationships and make others feel responsible for your self-worth.
Work on building self-confidence and finding validation from within. Pursue your own interests and goals, and learn to trust your own judgment and decisions.
8. Being Overly Competitive
While a little friendly competition can be fun and motivating, constantly trying to one-up others or turn everything into a contest can be exhausting and off-putting. Research has shown that overly competitive individuals tend to have more conflictual relationships and lower levels of empathy. (ref)
Focus on your own personal growth and achievements, rather than comparing yourself to others. Celebrate the successes of those around you, and look for opportunities to collaborate and support one another.
9. Lack of Punctuality
Being consistently late or unreliable can communicate a lack of respect for others’ time and commitments. Improve your time management skills by:
- Planning ahead and building in buffer time
- Setting reminders and alarms
- Being mindful of commitments and prioritizing punctuality
10. Poor Boundaries & Invasiveness
Everyone deserves to have their personal boundaries respected. If you’re constantly prying into others’ personal lives or disregarding their boundaries, it can make them feel uncomfortable and violated. Learn to respect others’ privacy and boundaries, and set healthy boundaries of your own.
11. Lack of Gratitude & Appreciation
Expressing gratitude and appreciation can go a long way in strengthening relationships and making others feel valued. Make an effort to thank people for their contributions, celebrate their successes, and let them know you appreciate them.
12. Arrogance & Superiority Complex
Arrogance and a sense of superiority can quickly alienate those around you. No one likes to feel belittled or inferior. Instead, cultivate humility and respect for others’ experiences, perspectives, and abilities.
13. Holding Grudges
A study from John Hopkins Medicine has shown that forgiveness is associated with better mental health, higher relationship satisfaction, and even physical health benefits. (ref)
Practice letting go of grudges and focusing on the present moment. While it’s important to set boundaries and address issues when they arise, try to approach conflicts with a spirit of understanding and a willingness to move forward.
14. Being Overly Critical
While constructive criticism can be valuable, constantly criticizing others or nitpicking every detail can create a negative and draining environment.
If you have feedback to share:
- Focus on solutions rather than just pointing out problems
- Sandwich criticism between positive comments
- Check your tone and delivery to ensure it’s respectful
15. Excessive Neediness or Clinginess
Constantly seeking reassurance or failing to respect others’ personal space and boundaries can be suffocating. While it’s normal to want to feel connected and supported, excessive neediness or clinginess can be overwhelming for others.
People need room to breathe and maintain their own identities, and if you’re always demanding their attention or invading their space, they may start to distance themselves from you.
Embracing Change & Personal Growth
Change doesn’t happen overnight. But as James Clear states in his book “Atomic Habits,” “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”
By consistently making small, positive changes in your behavior and habits, you can transform your relationships and your life for the better.
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.