According to a study, children who experienced hostile parenting at age 3 were 1.5 times more likely to have high-risk mental health symptoms by age 9. As parents, we all want the best for our children, but some parenting techniques that were once popular have been proven ineffective or even harmful.
Certain parenting styles, such as authoritarian and neglectful parenting, can have lasting negative effects on a child’s development and well-being. It’s time to re-evaluate our approach to raising the next generation and leave these outdated parenting techniques in the past.
Here are 15 parenting practices that should be avoided in favor of more nurturing methods that promote healthy child development.
1. Giving Babies Alcohol for Teething Pain
In the past, parents would rub whiskey or brandy on their baby’s gums to soothe teething pain. However, alcohol is not safe for babies to consume in any amount.
Give babies firm rubber teething rings instead to help with pain. Parents can also gently massage their baby’s gums with a clean finger to provide relief.
Teething necklaces, another once-popular remedy, have also been deemed “a potentially deadly threat to children” after an 18-month-old was strangled by his teething necklace.
2. Putting Babies to Sleep on Their Stomachs
Decades ago, it was common for parents to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs. However, research has shown that this practice is twice as likely to cause Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) compared to back sleeping.
In 1994, the “Back-to-Sleep” campaign (now called “Safe to Sleep”) urged parents to place babies on their backs to reduce the risk of SIDS.(ref) This simple change in sleep positioning has saved countless lives.
3. Using Baby Walkers
Baby walkers are often used with the intention of helping babies learn to move around, but they can actually delay motor and mental development. They can also be dangerous, as they make babies mobile enough to fall down stairs or reach unsafe objects before they’re developmentally ready.
Babies should learn to take their first steps on their own. This allows for a more natural progression of motor skills and reduces the risk of accidents and injuries.
4. Telling Kids to Always Finish Their Plate
Many children grew up being told they must finish all the food on their plates. However, it’s important to teach children to recognize their own hunger and fullness cues and to eat accordingly.
Forcing kids to clean their plates can lead to overeating and an unhealthy relationship with food. Instead, parents should offer a variety of healthy foods, model balanced eating habits, and trust their child’s ability to self-regulate their intake based on internal cues of hunger and satiety.
5. Using Corporal Punishment
Corporal punishment, such as spanking, was once believed to be an effective form of discipline. However, it is both ineffective and harmful to a child’s development and well-being.
A 2015 Pew study found that only 4% of parents say they spank their children often.(ref) More parents are recognizing the negative impacts of corporal punishment and opting for positive, nurturing discipline strategies that promote healthy development and stronger parent-child relationships.
6. Comparing Children to Siblings
Comparing a child to their sibling(s) is a common but harmful parenting tactic. It can foster feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and unhealthy competition between siblings. Each child is unique with their own strengths, challenges, and personality.
Instead of comparing, parents should celebrate each child’s individuality and avoid labeling them as “the smart one” or “the athletic one.” Providing encouragement and praise for effort and improvement, rather than focusing on comparisons, helps children develop a growth mindset and positive self-esteem.
7. Treating Kids Like Therapists
Some parents make the mistake of confiding in their children about adult problems or using them as a sounding board for their own emotional issues. While it’s important to be open with kids, treating them like a therapist places an unfair burden on them and can be emotionally damaging.
Children need to feel secure and protected. They shouldn’t be expected to provide emotional support or advice to their parents.
If a parent is struggling, they should seek help from other adults, such as friends, family members, or mental health professionals.
8. Invalidating Children’s Feelings
Telling a child to “stop crying” or that they’re “overreacting” invalidates their feelings and teaches them that their emotions aren’t valid or important. This can lead to difficulty regulating emotions and expressing them in healthy ways later in life.
Parents should acknowledge and validate their child’s feelings, even if they don’t agree with them. Saying things like “I can see you’re feeling frustrated” or “It’s okay to be sad” helps children feel heard and supported.
Parents can then guide them in finding healthy ways to cope with and express their emotions.
9. Gaslighting
Gaslighting involves denying a child’s reality or experiences, making them question their own perceptions and memories. This manipulative tactic can be very damaging to a child’s mental health and sense of self.
Examples of gaslighting include telling a child that something they clearly remember didn’t happen or that their feelings are wrong. Parents should strive to create an environment of trust and validation, acknowledging their children’s experiences and helping them make sense of their thoughts and feelings.
10. Not Allowing Privacy
Everyone, including children, needs and deserves some level of privacy. Not allowing kids any privacy, such as reading their diaries or barging into their rooms without knocking, violates their boundaries and can erode trust in the parent-child relationship.
While parents need to ensure their child’s safety, it’s important to balance this with respect for their privacy. Knocking before entering their room, not snooping through their belongings, and allowing age-appropriate autonomy shows that you trust and respect them.
11. Forcing Affection
Forcing children to hug, kiss, or show affection to others, even if they’re uncomfortable, teaches them that their body autonomy isn’t important. This can make them vulnerable to abuse and less likely to speak up if someone violates their boundaries.
Instead of forcing affection, parents should teach children that they have the right to say no to unwanted touch, even from family members. Offering alternatives like high-fives or verbal greetings allows children to show respect and warmth in a way that feels comfortable to them.
12. Overscheduling
In an effort to give their kids every advantage, some parents overschedule them with extracurricular activities, leaving little time for free play and relaxation. However, unstructured play is crucial for children’s cognitive, social, and emotional development.
While some organized activities can be beneficial, it’s important to strike a balance. Children need downtime to explore their own interests, engage in creative play, and simply rest.
Overscheduling can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout.
13. Using Food as a Reward or Punishment
Using food as a reward (“If you clean your room, you can have ice cream”) or punishment (“No dessert until you finish your vegetables”) can contribute to unhealthy eating habits and an emotional relationship with food.
Food should be viewed as nourishment, not as a tool for behavior modification. Parents can encourage healthy eating habits by offering a variety of nutritious foods, modeling balanced eating, and avoiding using food as a bribe or threat.
14. Shaming
Shaming children, whether for their appearance, behavior, or abilities, can have lasting negative effects on their self-esteem and mental health. Shame is not an effective motivator and can actually lead to more of the behavior parents are trying to discourage.
Instead of shaming, parents should focus on guiding children with empathy and respect. Addressing specific behaviors, rather than attacking their character, and offering constructive feedback helps children learn and grow in a supportive environment.
15. Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parenting involves being overly involved in a child’s life, to the point of doing things for them that they’re capable of doing themselves. While well-intentioned, this parenting style can hinder a child’s development of independence, resilience, and problem-solving skills.
It’s important for parents to strike a balance between offering support and allowing children to navigate challenges on their own. Encouraging age-appropriate independence, letting them make mistakes, and providing a safety net when needed helps children build the skills and confidence they need to thrive.
While these outdated parenting techniques may have been popular in the past, a greater understanding of child development has shown us that they can be ineffective at best and harmful at worst.
By embracing a more nurturing, evidence-based approach to parenting, we can help our children grow into healthy, resilient, and emotionally well-adjusted adults.
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.
