15 Toxic Phrases to Never Say to Your Partner

Are your words unknowingly sabotaging your relationship? Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy partnership, yet sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we say things that can deeply wound our loved ones. 

Research shows that poor communication is one of the top reasons cited for divorce, with 59% claiming it as the number one cause.¹ 

Words carry immense power, and once spoken, they can leave lasting scars. Here are 15 toxic phrases that you should never say to your partner if you want to maintain a strong, loving connection.

By recognizing and avoiding these damaging patterns, you can foster open, honest communication and build a more resilient bond.

1. “You’re overreacting.”

Dismissing your partner’s feelings by accusing them of overreacting invalidates their emotions. It makes them feel unheard and unsupported, which can lead to resentment and emotional distance.

Instead of minimizing their feelings, try to understand their perspective. Ask questions and actively listen to show that you value their emotions, even if you don’t fully agree with their reaction.

2. “You always/never…”

Using absolutes like “always” or “never” is rarely accurate and can make your partner feel attacked and defensive. It also implies that their behavior is unchangeable, which can be discouraging and hurtful.

Focus on specific instances and express how certain actions make you feel rather than generalizing. This approach encourages open communication and problem-solving rather than blame and criticism.

3. “If you really loved me, you would…”

This phrase is a form of emotional manipulation that pressures your partner to prove their love by meeting your demands. It creates an unhealthy dynamic and can erode trust and respect in the relationship.

Express your needs and desires openly and honestly without tying them to your partner’s love for you. Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and compromise, not guilt trips.

4. “I wish you were more like [someone else].”

Comparing your partner to others, whether it’s an ex, a friend, or a celebrity, is a surefire way to damage their self-esteem and create feelings of inadequacy. It suggests that they are not good enough as they are.

Appreciate your partner for their unique qualities and strengths. If there are areas where you’d like to see growth or change, approach the topic with sensitivity and focus on specific behaviors, not comparisons.

5. “I can’t deal with you right now.”

Shutting down communication when things get tough can leave your partner feeling abandoned and alone. It sends the message that you’re not willing to work through challenges together.

If you need a break to calm down or collect your thoughts, communicate that clearly and set a time to revisit the conversation. Reassure your partner that you’re committed to resolving the issue together.

6. “You’re just like your mother/father.”

Comparing your partner to their parents, especially in a negative light, can be deeply hurtful and offensive. It dismisses their individuality and can trigger painful childhood memories or insecurities.

Focus on your partner as their own person, separate from their family of origin. If you notice patterns or behaviors that concern you, discuss them without making hurtful comparisons.

7. “I’m done with this relationship.”

Threatening to end the relationship during an argument is a manipulative tactic that can leave your partner feeling insecure and afraid. It undermines the stability and commitment of your partnership.

If you’re having doubts about the relationship, discuss them calmly and honestly with your partner. Work together to address any issues, and if you do decide to part ways, do so with respect and clarity.

8. “You’re so selfish.”

Labeling your partner as selfish dismisses their needs and feelings and can make them feel guilty for having wants and desires of their own. It creates an unbalanced dynamic where one partner’s needs are prioritized over the other’s.

Express your own needs clearly and listen to your partner’s perspective as well. Work together to find compromises and solutions that consider both of your needs and desires.

9. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Dismissing your partner’s thoughts or feelings as ridiculous belittles them and makes them feel foolish for expressing themselves. It shuts down communication and can lead to resentment and withdrawal.

Even if you disagree with your partner’s perspective, try to understand where they’re coming from. Validate their feelings and work together to find a resolution that respects both of your viewpoints.

10. “I don’t need you.”

Claiming that you don’t need your partner undermines the value and importance of your relationship. It can make your partner feel disposable and unappreciated, eroding the bond between you.

Express your appreciation for your partner and the role they play in your life. Acknowledge the ways in which you support and rely on each other, while also maintaining your individual identities and strengths.

11. “You’re too sensitive.”

Dismissing your partner’s feelings by calling them too sensitive invalidates their emotional experiences and can make them feel ashamed or weak for having normal human reactions.

Recognize that everyone has different levels of emotional sensitivity, and that’s okay. Work on creating a safe and supportive space where both partners feel comfortable expressing their feelings without judgment.

12. “I’m not attracted to you anymore.”

While physical attraction can ebb and flow over the course of a long-term relationship, bluntly telling your partner that you’re no longer attracted to them can be devastating to their self-esteem and sense of desirability.

If you’re struggling with attraction, approach the topic gently and focus on specific behaviors or changes that might help reignite the spark. Emphasize your love and commitment to the relationship, even as you work through challenges.

13. “You’re not listening to me.”

Accusing your partner of not listening dismisses their efforts to understand and engage with you. It can make them feel defensive and unappreciated, even if they are genuinely trying to hear you out.

If you feel unheard, express your need for attention and understanding clearly and calmly. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings, and give your partner the opportunity to respond and clarify their perspective.

14. “You’re just like everyone else.”

Comparing your partner to others in a negative way dismisses their unique qualities and experiences. It can make them feel generic and unappreciated, eroding their sense of self-worth.

Celebrate your partner’s individuality and the special connection you share. Recognize and appreciate the ways in which they stand out and enrich your life.

15. “I give up on you.”

Telling your partner that you give up on them is a harsh and hurtful statement that can leave them feeling hopeless and abandoned. It suggests that you no longer believe in their ability to grow and change.

If you’re feeling frustrated or disappointed, express those feelings honestly but with care. Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship and your belief in your partner’s potential, even as you work through challenges together.

By avoiding these toxic phrases and focusing on open, honest, and compassionate communication, you can build a stronger, more loving relationship with your partner. Remember, words have power – use them wisely.

Source:

1. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov