Growing up with controlling parents can have profound and lasting effects on a person’s personality and mental health. Research shows that authoritarian parenting, characterized by strict rules and high expectations without warmth or responsiveness, can lead to various challenges in adulthood.1
These effects often stem from a childhood environment where autonomy was limited, and self-expression was discouraged. Here are 15 personality traits commonly observed in adults raised by controlling parents.
Whether you’re reflecting on your own experiences or seeking to understand others, this offers valuable insights into the complex legacy of controlling parenting.
1. Low Self-Esteem
Adults raised by controlling parents often grapple with persistent low self-esteem. They may constantly doubt their abilities and worth, struggling to recognize their own value.
This stems from years of criticism and high expectations that were difficult or impossible to meet.
The impact on self-esteem can be far-reaching, affecting career choices, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. These individuals might shy away from opportunities, fearing failure or disapproval, even when they’re highly capable.
2. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a common trait among those who grew up with controlling parents. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness often stems from a childhood where anything less than perfect was met with disapproval or punishment.
This can lead to a crippling fear of making mistakes or being judged.
While striving for excellence can be positive, extreme perfectionism can cause significant stress and anxiety. It may prevent individuals from taking risks or trying new things, limiting personal growth and happiness.
3. Difficulty Making Decisions
Many adults with controlling parents struggle to make decisions independently. Years of having choices made for them can leave them feeling ill-equipped to trust their own judgment.
This indecisiveness can range from minor daily choices to major life decisions.
The fear of making the “wrong” choice often paralyzes these individuals, leading to missed opportunities and increased stress. They may constantly seek validation from others before committing to a decision, undermining their autonomy.
4. People-Pleasing Tendencies
A strong desire to please others is frequently observed in those raised by controlling parents. This stems from a childhood where approval was conditional on meeting parental expectations.
As adults, they may go to great lengths to avoid conflict and ensure everyone around them is happy.
While being considerate is admirable, excessive people-pleasing can lead to neglecting one’s own needs and boundaries. These individuals may struggle to say “no” or assert themselves, often at the cost of their own well-being.
5. Anxiety & Worry
Chronic anxiety is a common trait among adults who experienced controlling parenting. The constant pressure and fear of disapproval during childhood can evolve into generalized anxiety in adulthood.
These individuals may feel perpetually on edge, anticipating criticism or failure.
This anxiety can manifest in various ways, from social anxiety to panic attacks. It may also lead to overthinking and catastrophizing, making it difficult to relax or enjoy life fully.
6. Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Many who grew up with controlling parents struggle to express their emotions freely. In childhood, their feelings may have been dismissed or punished, leading to emotional suppression.
As adults, they might find it challenging to identify or articulate their emotions.
This emotional repression can cause difficulties in relationships and personal growth. It may lead to unexpected emotional outbursts or a general sense of disconnection from one’s own feelings.
7. Need for Control
Ironically, some adults raised by controlling parents develop a strong need to control themselves. This can be seen as a coping mechanism, an attempt to create the stability and predictability they lacked in childhood.
They might become overly organized or struggle with unexpected changes.
While a degree of control can be healthy, an excessive need for it can lead to rigidity and difficulty adapting to life’s inevitable uncertainties. It may also strain relationships as they try to control situations or people around them.
8. Difficulty with Intimacy
Forming and maintaining intimate relationships can be challenging for those who experienced controlling parenting. Trust issues and fear of vulnerability often stem from childhood experiences where emotional needs were neglected or manipulated.
These individuals may struggle to open up or fully commit to relationships.
The fear of being controlled or losing autonomy in a relationship can lead to emotional distancing or avoidance of deep connections altogether. This can result in a pattern of unfulfilling or short-lived relationships.
9. Rebellious Tendencies
Some adults who grew up with controlling parents develop a rebellious streak. This rebellion can be seen as a delayed assertion of independence, a way to reclaim the autonomy they were denied in childhood.
It might manifest in various ways, from minor acts of defiance to major life choices that go against societal norms.
While this rebelliousness can be liberating, it can also lead to impulsive decision-making or self-sabotaging behaviors. Finding a balance between healthy independence and reckless rebellion is often a challenge for these individuals.
10. Difficulty Accepting Praise
Many individuals raised by controlling parents find it challenging to accept praise or compliments. This stems from a childhood where praise was either rare or tied to unrealistic expectations.
As adults, they might dismiss positive feedback or feel uncomfortable when receiving recognition.
This difficulty in accepting praise can hinder professional growth and personal relationships. It may also contribute to a negative self-image, as they struggle to internalize positive messages about themselves.
11. Overachievement or Underachievement
Adults who grew up with controlling parents often swing between extremes of overachievement and underachievement. Some may become relentless perfectionists, driven by a need to prove their worth.
Others might rebel against high expectations by deliberately underperforming.
Both extremes can be problematic. Overachievers may experience burnout and stress-related health issues, while underachievers might struggle with unfulfilled potential and low self-esteem.
12. Difficulty Relaxing
The ability to relax and enjoy leisure time is often compromised in those who experienced controlling parenting. They may feel guilty when not being productive or struggle to switch off from work or responsibilities.
This constant state of alertness can stem from childhood experiences where relaxation was seen as laziness.
The inability to relax can lead to chronic stress and burnout. It may also impact their ability to form meaningful relationships or enjoy life’s simple pleasures, as they’re always focused on the next task or potential problem.
13. Hypersensitivity to Criticism
Adults raised by controlling parents often develop a heightened sensitivity to criticism. Even mild feedback can be perceived as a personal attack, triggering intense emotional responses.
This hypersensitivity is rooted in childhood experiences where criticism was harsh, frequent, or used as a control mechanism.
This trait can make professional and personal relationships challenging. It may lead to defensive behaviors, difficulty accepting constructive feedback, or avoidance of situations where they might be evaluated.
14. Difficulty Trusting Others
Trust issues are common among those who grew up with controlling parents. The experience of having their autonomy consistently undermined can lead to a general wariness of others’ intentions.
This difficulty in trusting can manifest in various relationships, from friendships to romantic partnerships.
The struggle to trust often results in a tendency to keep others at arm’s length or to be overly suspicious of people’s motives. This can lead to feelings of isolation and difficulty in forming deep, meaningful connections.
15. Difficulty Identifying Personal Desires
Adults raised by controlling parents often struggle to identify what they truly want in life. Years of having their preferences ignored or overridden can lead to a disconnection from their own desires and goals.
They might find themselves pursuing paths that don’t align with their authentic selves.
This difficulty in recognizing personal desires can lead to a sense of aimlessness or dissatisfaction in life. It may also result in making life choices based on others’ expectations rather than their own genuine interests and passions.
The impact of controlling parenting extends far beyond childhood, shaping various aspects of adult personality and behavior. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing and growth.
With self-awareness, support, and often professional help, individuals can work to overcome these challenges, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and build more fulfilling lives.
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.