In the journey of marriage, there are unspoken rules that can be the guiding principles to a harmonious life together.
Drawing from the collective wisdom of experienced married men, we bring you a guide that delineates the golden rules that pave the path to a successful marriage. Let’s unravel the secrets one by one:
1. The 60/40 Rule
“I always say you want to make sure it’s a 60/40 relationship, where each person is trying to be the 60.”
Imagine a relationship where both individuals strive to give more than they receive. This 60/40 principle is not about meticulous calculations but nurturing a mindset of generosity.
It’s about going that extra mile willingly, fostering a deeper connection and a reservoir of goodwill. When embraced, can be the cornerstone of a fulfilling, selfless love story where both partners are the happiest.
2. Us Against the Problem
“A big thing is, when you have problems, attack the problem, not each other. Respect, flexibility, and loving your partner more than you ever have yourself are essential.”
Picture this: a fortress of two, unyielding and united, facing the storms of life hand in hand. This is the essence of the “Us Against the Problem” philosophy. It’s about shifting from a me-versus-you to an us-versus-the-issue mindset, a transformative approach that fosters solidarity and mutual respect.
It encourages couples to stand together, focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems, creating a haven of understanding and support.
3. Acceptance Over Change
“Don’t marry someone thinking you’re going to change them. If you had trouble getting along before marriage don’t get married.”
Embrace the beauty of your partner’s uniqueness without harboring hopes of changing them. It’s a celebration of individuality, a commitment to growing together while respecting each other’s autonomy. This encourages a garden of love where each can bloom into their best selves, nurtured by acceptance and understanding.
It’s about building a relationship grounded in reality, not in the elusive potential of what could be.
4. Communication is Key
“If something is bothering you then talk about it right now or as soon as is reasonable. Don’t sit on it for a month then bring it up in an argument later.”
Consider a space where words flow freely, without fear or reservations. Communication is the bridge to understanding, a tool that, when used effectively, can foster a deep connection. It’s about listening actively and speaking honestly, creating a dialogue that is both respectful and empathetic.
This encourages couples to share their worlds through words, building a tapestry of shared experiences and mutual understanding, one conversation at a time.
5. Keep the Spark Alive
“Always try to improve, being a good sexual partner is a learned skill that takes time and effort.”
Envision a relationship where the initial spark evolves into a steady, warm flame, fueled by exploration and understanding. It’s about keeping the romance alive, through small gestures, surprises, and maintaining a sense of curiosity about each other.
This encourages couples to prioritize their intimate connection, to communicate desires openly, and to keep exploring new horizons together, ensuring a relationship that is ever-vibrant and fulfilling.
6. Financial Transparency
“Learn to manage your money. This is super important. Learning to talk about money without introducing all kinds of emotions is even more important.”
Navigating the financial seas together requires openness and trust. It’s about sharing your financial goals, fears, and expectations clearly to build a secure future together. This advocates for a partnership where major financial decisions are made collectively, respecting each individual’s input and perspective. It’s a proactive approach to prevent financial disputes and foster a healthy financial relationship grounded in mutual respect and understanding.
7. Prepare for the Unexpected
“Bad [things are] going to happen. Someone will get sick or injured or family stuff happens or a car accident or the house floods or whatever. It could be anything. Don’t lose your [mind]. It’s both of you against the problem.”
Life is a series of unpredictable events. This is about building a relationship that can withstand the trials that life throws your way. It’s fostering a partnership where both individuals are ready to support each other in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow.
It’s about being a pillar of strength for your partner, ready to face any challenge together with courage and love.
8. Personal Growth
“Don’t get lazy. Always be trying to improve and grow as a person. Getting a partner is just the beginning. Then you have to be good enough to be worth keeping.”
Think of yourself as a garden, continuously growing and evolving. This encourages individuals to pursue personal growth actively, to learn, and to evolve, fostering a relationship where both partners are constantly bringing fresh perspectives and new learnings into the relationship.
9. Maintain the Fun
“Keep having fun together. Go out and do things together. Never stop dating and don’t take your partner for granted.”
Imagine a relationship sprinkled with laughter, joy, and spontaneous adventures. This is about keeping the childlike joy alive, indulging in fun activities, and enjoying each other’s company to the fullest.
It’s about not letting the routine dull the sparkle, ensuring that the relationship remains vibrant with shared joyful experiences, and creating a tapestry of beautiful memories that enrich the journey together.
10. Choose Your Battles Wisely
“The answer to the question ‘Is this the hill you die on’ is usually ‘No.’”
Envision a peaceful haven where conflicts are resolved with wisdom and foresight. This is about understanding that not every disagreement warrants a battle. It’s about choosing to focus on what truly matters, letting go of the inconsequential issues, and fostering a peaceful, loving environment.
It encourages couples to practice restraint and wisdom, nurturing a relationship where love triumphs over ego, creating a harmonious life together.
11. Respect and Kindness
“Without mutual respect, no other tool can save a marriage. You can communicate till you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t respect you, they’ll never hear it.”
Respect and kindness should be the heartbeat of every relationship. It’s about creating a space where each person feels seen, heard, and valued.
Upholding each other’s dignity, even in disagreements, can foster a relationship that stands the test of time. It’s the little acts of kindness, a respectful demeanor, and the warm words that build a fortress of love, brick by brick.
12. Avoid Contempt
“One of the things that tell therapists whether a marriage is going to last is whether either spouse exhibits contempt towards the other. Once you make it personal, once you effectively tell your partner that you object to who they are not what they’re doing, it’s over.”
Contempt can be a poison in marriages, even impacting individual health, as noted in a 2001 study by Gottman, Levensen, and Woodin. This urges couples to foster “positivity resonance,” a shared experience of positive emotions, which has been linked to marital success and personal well-being.
Cultivating a relationship rich in positive connections and devoid of contempt can be a pathway to a harmonious and healthy life together.
13. Daily Affirmations
“A daily ‘I love you’ goes a long way.”
Daily affirmations are like the warm morning sun, a fresh start to each day, filled with hope and love. It’s not just about saying “I love you,” but also showing it through small acts that affirm your affection and commitment.
It could be a note, a text, or a warm hug — a daily dose of love to keep the relationship vibrant and alive.
14. Physical Affection
“Touching goes a long way too. Grab her [bottom], breathe on her neck, or whatever once in a while.”
Physical affection is the silent yet potent language of love. A spontaneous hug, a gentle squeeze of the hand, or a playful nudge can speak volumes. It’s the non-verbal conversation that fosters closeness and intimacy, a tactile expression of love that nourishes the relationship daily.
It’s about creating a tapestry of love, woven with threads of affectionate touches, warm hugs, and tender kisses.
15. Regular Check-ins
“Check in with each other and do a ‘state of the union’ every 6 months to a year. Figure out what’s working and what isn’t. This is your opportunity to let your partner know how you’re feeling in the relationship and theirs too.”
Imagine a relationship where open dialogues are as regular as morning coffee. It’s a dedicated time to sit down, share, listen, and understand each other’s evolving dreams, fears, and desires.
It’s a proactive approach to understanding, a time to celebrate successes and navigate challenges together. It’s the heartbeat of a healthy relationship, pulsating with love, understanding, and mutual respect.
These golden rules, distilled from the experiences of many, serve as a guiding light, helping couples navigate the beautiful yet sometimes complex journey of marriage. May your partnership blossom as you implement these principles, fostering a relationship that is both loving and everlasting.
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Sources
- psychologytoday.com/us/blog/childhood-emotional-neglect/202205/new-study-shows-the-power-positivity-resonance-couples
- reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/164oy56/married_men_what_are_the_unspoken_rules_for/
This article was produced and syndicated by Viral Chatter.
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.
