15 Ways a Lack of Affection in Childhood Affects Adulthood

What happens when children grow up feeling unloved? 

Research shows that a steady stream of love is one of the most important things a child needs. Sadly, for all sorts of reasons, it’s not always what happens. Not getting the right care, attention, and encouragement can have a damaging knock-on effect in adulthood. 

Here are 15 traits commonly observed in adults who grew up with little affection:

1. Emotional Dysregulation

Feelings are complicated to navigate for adults, let alone kids. When a child doesn’t receive the emotional support and guidance needed, they can struggle with emotional intelligence as an adult.

This often results in mood swings, difficulty expressing their emotions, and an overwhelming sense of being out of control.

2. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a trait that often stems from a lack of love in childhood. To feel worthy, these individuals might strive for flawlessness, fearing failure or criticism, which might lead to further rejection. .

3. Difficulty with Validation

A healthy amount of external validation is necessary for individuals to feel a sense of belonging. However, when adults who lacked affection in childhood seek validation, it may be because they have an emotional unmet need or are reliving aspects of their previous life experiences.

4. Mistrust in Others’ Love

Adults who experienced emotional neglect might find it hard to believe that others can genuinely love them. This mistrust can lead to demanding signs of affection or pushing away potential partners to avoid heartbreak.

5. Struggle with Commitment

Alternatively, those who didn’t grow up with much affection might steer themselves away from commitment altogether. Trust issues and an insecure attachment style can make forming relationships challenging.

6. Difficulty Recognizing Personal Needs

Children who lack acknowledgment of their own needs may struggle to identify and prioritize their own needs as adults. This can lead to issues with setting boundaries and self-care.

7. Struggles with Accepting Affection

Even in adulthood, individuals who didn’t receive affection might find it challenging to accept compliments, kindness, or affection. They may feel undeserving or suspicious of others’ intentions, reflecting their early experiences.

8. Fear of Abandonment

A pervasive fear of being left alone can lead to clinginess or pushing people away to avoid potential heartbreak. This fear stems from the instability of their childhood attachments.

9. Trust Issues

Trust can be a significant hurdle for these individuals, who may have learned early on that people are unreliable. Without consistent affection, trusting others can feel unfamiliar or unsafe.

10. Hyper-Independence

Some cope with their childhood lack of affection by developing hyper-independence, believing they don’t need anyone’s assistance. This can lead to a self-sufficient but often lonely lifestyle.

11. Low Self-Esteem

A deficiency in affection can foster feelings of unworthiness and an inner critic that undermines confidence. Believing they are undeserving of love can lead to settling for less in relationships.

12. Fear of Vulnerability

For those who lacked affection in childhood, expressing feelings can be daunting. They were not accustomed to having their emotions validated, making vulnerability a challenge.

13. Difficulty Forming & Maintaining Relationships

Adults who experienced childhood emotional neglect might find it hard to form and maintain relationships. This can stem from an inability to recognize or communicate their emotions, leading to a lack of emotional connection.

14. Insecure Attachment Styles

Emotional neglect in childhood can lead to insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant, (ref) which can impact how individuals form and maintain relationships in adulthood.

15. Chronic Loneliness

Despite being surrounded by people, these adults may experience an enduring sense of isolation. This loneliness is a reminder of the affection they craved but never fully received.

Source:
1. Duke Global Health Institute