Are you tired of your grown child treating your home like a free hotel? You’re not alone. With more young adults living at home than ever, many parents struggle to push their kids toward independence.
A recent study found that 52% of young adults aged 18-29 are living with their parents – the highest level since the Great Depression.1
Here are the five strategies parents use to get their adult children to fly the nest.
1. The Financial Faucet Shutdown
Parents are turning off the money tap and making their kids fend for themselves financially. This means no more handouts, allowances, or paying their bills.
Many parents start by setting a firm deadline for when financial support will end, often tied to a milestone like college graduation or a certain age.
They gradually reduce monetary assistance, forcing their adult child to budget and manage their finances. Some even charge rent or require their child to pay for groceries and phone bills while living at home.
Studies show this approach can be effective. A recent study shared that 59% of parents who stopped giving their adult children money said it motivated them to become financially independent faster. (ref)
2. The Comfort Zone Crusher
Making life at home less cushy is another tactic parents employ to nudge their kids out of the nest.
This often involves taking away privileges and creature comforts. Parents might remove TVs and gaming systems from their children’s rooms, cancel streaming subscriptions, or stop doing laundry and cooking meals.
The goal is to make staying home less appealing than moving out and supporting themselves.
Some parents even make their child’s bedroom less comfortable, removing furniture or decor to make it feel more temporary. While it may seem harsh, many report that it motivates their adult child to finally look for their own place.
3. Setting an Ultimatum
Some parents resort to laying down the law with a firm move-out date when gentler approaches fail.
This involves setting a non-negotiable deadline by which their adult child must move out, often with consequences if they fail to do so. Parents might threaten to change the locks, pack their belongings, or even pursue a formal eviction.
While extreme, research suggests ultimatums can be effective. A recent study found that young adults whose parents set firm expectations for independence were more likely to achieve self-sufficiency earlier. (ref)
4. The Skill-Building Boot Camp
Instead of just kicking their kids out, some parents focus on equipping them with the life skills needed to survive independently.
This approach involves actively teaching adult children how to budget, cook, clean, and manage household responsibilities. Parents might require their children to do more chores, open bank accounts, or attend financial literacy classes.
Many parents report success with having their child “practice” living independently while still at home.
This could mean having them pay bills, grocery shop, and handle all their appointments for a set period.
5. The Tough Love Support System
Some parents find a middle ground by offering emotional support while withdrawing financial assistance.
This strategy involves being there for their adult child emotionally and offering guidance while requiring them to financially support themselves. Parents might help their children look for jobs or apartments, but they won’t pay for them.
Many experts endorse this balanced approach. A study showed that young adults whose parents offered emotional support without financial enabling achieved independence faster than those whose parents provided no or too much support. (ref)
Cutting the cord with adult children is never easy, but these strategies show there are ways to encourage independence without abandoning your kids.
The key is finding the right balance between support and self-sufficiency.
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Nancy Maffia
Nancy received a bachelor’s in biology from Elmira College and a master’s degree in horticulture and communications from the University of Kentucky. Worked in plant taxonomy at the University of Florida and the L. H. Bailey Hortorium at Cornell University, and wrote and edited gardening books at Rodale Press in Emmaus, PA. Her interests are plant identification, gardening, hiking, and reading.
