Carl Jung’s 13 Guiding Principles for a Fulfilling Life & Meaningful Relationships

Carl Jung, a pioneering Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, has profoundly influenced our understanding of the human mind and relationships. 

Jung’s principles on life and relationships cover self-acceptance, understanding others, and the true nature of personal growth.

What are these principles in which you can gain a deeper appreciation of yourself and others? 

1. “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

Truly accepting who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, can be very scary. It means facing the parts of yourself that you might want to hide or ignore.

But this acceptance is important for personal growth and forming healthy relationships.

2. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

This statement means that when someone annoys or bothers us, it might actually be reflecting something about ourselves that we need to address.

For example, if you get irritated by someone’s behavior, it might be because it reminds you of a trait you don’t like in yourself.

3. “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”

This principle stresses the importance of actions over words. What really defines you is not just what you promise or plan, but what you actually do. Your actions reflect your true character and values, which impact how you relate to others.

4. “In every adult there lurks a child—an eternal child, something that is always becoming, always new.”

Inside every adult is a part of them that remains youthful and open to new experiences.

This inner child keeps us curious and creative, and understanding this part of ourselves can help us connect with others in a more genuine and playful way.

5. “We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

We can’t make real changes in our lives until we first accept things as they are. Just criticizing or rejecting something doesn’t help us grow.

Acceptance is the first step toward improving or transforming any part of ourselves or our relationships.

6. “The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parent.”

Children often feel the weight of their parents’ unfulfilled dreams and regrets. If parents haven’t lived their own lives fully or pursued their own dreams, their children might feel pressured to live out those unrealized aspirations, which can affect their own development and relationships.

7. “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, don’t drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest and listen to what she has to say.”

Instead of ignoring or fighting against depression, we should acknowledge it and try to understand it. By accepting and exploring our feelings of depression, we can gain insights into what might be causing them and how to address them.

It’s about embracing difficult emotions rather than pushing them away, which can lead to personal growth and healing.

8. “What you resist, remains.”

This quote means that if you try to ignore or fight against something, it often persists or even grows stronger. If you resist facing a problem or emotion, it tends to stay with you and might become more challenging over time.

Accepting and dealing with issues directly is more effective than resisting them.

9. “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

Understanding and accepting your own flaws, fears, and unresolved issues helps you relate to and handle similar traits in others.

By confronting your own inner struggles and working through your personal challenges, you become better equipped to empathize with and address the difficulties others face.

This self-awareness and acceptance create a foundation for more compassionate and effective interactions with people who are dealing with their own “darkness.”

10. “If a person does not understand another person, then he tends to think of him as a fool.”

This shows how a lack of understanding can lead to judgment. When people don’t understand someone else’s actions, thoughts, or feelings, they may dismiss or criticize them instead. Developing empathy and trying to understand others can help bridge gaps and reduce judgment.

11. “Do not hold back the one who is leaving you. Otherwise, the one who is coming to you will not come.”

If someone is leaving your life, it’s important to let them go rather than clinging to them. By letting go of the person who is leaving, you make space for new opportunities and relationships that might be more aligned with your current needs and growth.

Holding on to the past can prevent new, positive experiences from entering your life.

12. “It is not I who create myself, rather I happen to myself.”

Our personal development and identity are not solely within our control. Instead of thinking that we create ourselves from scratch, Jung implies that we unfold and evolve based on our experiences, relationships, and inner growth.

In other words, who we become is shaped by the various events and circumstances we encounter, as well as by our responses to them. 

13. “The healthy man does not torture others—generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.”

People who are emotionally and psychologically healthy do not harm others. In contrast, individuals who have experienced pain, trauma, or suffering often end up causing harm to others.

This pattern happens because the pain they have endured can lead to their own unresolved anger or distress, which they then project onto others.

Essentially, those who have been hurt are more likely to inflict pain on others if they haven’t worked through their own issues.

Jung’s insights remind us that true connections are built on empathy, openness, and the courage to face our own challenges.