A Reddit user recently asked the community whether or not she was an a**h@le for not inviting her niece and nephew, who were being raised via “hands-off parenting,” to her birthday dinner.
In the viral post, the OP (original poster) said she invited all other adult family members, but not the niece and nephew, who were 10 and 7 years old, because they often misbehaved, and their mother, the OP’s sister, does nothing to discipline them.
What Is Hands-off Parenting?
Hands-off Parenting is done by parents stepping back and letting their kids think for themselves. According to a Daily Mail article, the practice is a “respectful approach” and treats children as capable and independent humans.
The expected outcome of this parenting approach is children who can overcome obstacles without relying too much on the help of others. But, in the case of the OP’s sister’s kids, it may not be going in the direction it’s supposed to be.
Refusing to Invite the Kids
The OP will be celebrating her 27th birthday and invited her family. However, she asked her sister to get a babysitter for her kids if she wanted to attend because the OP wanted “a peaceful evening to celebrate my birthday.”
The OP was quick to clarify that she loved her niece and nephew, however, due to the reason that they were being raised through hands-off parenting, she might not get the peaceful evening she expects to have if the kids were present.
According to the OP, her sister’s method is to be “entirely permissive and refuse to discipline them.” She also said that her sister lets other adults do the disciplining.
The OP talked to her sister in person and explained her reasons for the request. Her sister seemed understanding, so she thought everything was okay. However, her sister called her out in an online post and even accused her of hating her niece and nephew.
She even backed her claims by saying that the OP invited her other niece, who was 17 years old but deliberately left out the two younger ones.
Online Family Feud
A few other family members, and acquaintances, also called out the OP. But, she defended herself by showing “proof” that her reasons were not out of hate.
She shared two videos of her niece and nephew misbehaving in the post, saying she loved them but just wanted a peaceful evening. She didn’t want to be the person to end up disciplining the kids because her sister just ignored them as part of her parenting method.
The OP’s parents think she’s wrong for sharing the videos because it didn’t accomplish anything besides embarrassing her sister.
And, if she wanted to be “fair” she should have compromised and just imposed a nobody under 18 rule. However, the OP did not want to uninvite her 17-year-old niece because she was already basically an adult who knew how to behave.
Because of the argument and the kids not being able to attend, the OP’s sister ended up not attending the party.
Misbehaving Kids and Negligent Mother
The first video, taken by her 17-year-old niece, was of the two kids throwing tantrums and yelling. The older niece was trying to calm them down while the mother was too busy on her tablet to do anything.
The second video, taken by her sister, was of the two kids yelling and throwing toys at each other. It even showed her nephew calling her niece a bad word, and their mother was just laughing while recording the whole thing.
In an edit, the OP clarified that she wasn’t the one who posted the videos online. The first video was shared by her 17-year-old niece and the second one by her sister. She merely shared links to those videos on her sister’s post. She also said that her and her sister’s accounts are private, so only the people they added as friends will be able to see them.
Asking For Sympathy Online Bites Back
Redditors are quick to say that the sister was wrong for saying that the OP “hated” the kids online. The sister tried to shame the OP online but ended up being exposed for her bad parenting. Her attempt at looking for online sympathy only made matters worse by “basically making a family disagreement public business.”
A commenter said that the sister is a narcissist. “The thing to understand about narcissists is that they need a constant supply of external validation because they are extremely insecure. As a result, they either play the victim or they try to puff themselves up and act like they are better than everybody else.”
Hands-off Parenting Done the Right Way
A Redditor shared how she did hands-off parenting by not intervening with her daughter if there wasn’t any real issue. Her method meant “allowing her the chance to solve problems without my intervention at first. But, if she started misbehaving I was there in an instant. She was mine to raise, no one else’s.”
This style of parenting seems to be the ideal method for most Reddit users, who praised the commenter on her way of parenting. It was deemed to be a good balance of giving the child freedom and independence, while still guiding and disciplining them to be decent human beings.
Source: Reddit
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.
