How to Fall in Love in 5 Stages, According to Research

Have you ever wondered what makes love last? 

According to research by eHarmony’s Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, love isn’t a fleeting emotion but a journey through five distinct stages.¹ 

This eye-opening study reveals that couples can actually revisit and reignite each stage as they navigate life’s ups and downs together, deepening their connection with every shared experience. 

1. Butterflies Stage

Often referred to as the “honeymoon phase,” or “infatutation phase” is a whirlwind of intense emotions and exhilarating experiences. Fueled by hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine, this stage is characterized by a heightened sense of passion, desire, and attraction.^(ref)

During this phase, the brain’s reward system is in overdrive, leading to a romanticized and idealized view of the partner. This stage also gives rise in libido—following release of sex hormones testosterone and estrogen.^(ref)

2. Building Stage

As the initial whirlwind of infatuation subsides, the relationship enters a calmer and more grounded phase often referred to as the “comfort” stage. This transition is marked by a shift in focus from the idealized image of the partner to a more authentic and realistic understanding of who they are as a person.

During this stage, couples begin to share more of themselves, revealing vulnerabilities, insecurities, and personal experiences. This increased “happy anxiety,” as a result of the release of monoamines, fosters a sense of trust and understanding, laying the foundation for a stronger emotional bond.^(ref)

3. Assimilation Stage

The questioning or assimilation stage represents a shift from the comfort and familiarity of the previous phase to a period of introspection and evaluation. This newfound clarity can bring to light differences in values, habits, communication styles, or life goals that were previously overlooked or dismissed.

This questioning phase is a natural and necessary part of the relationship journey, as it allows partners to assess whether they are truly on the same path and if their relationship has the potential to withstand the challenges that lie ahead.

4. Honesty Stage

Often referred to as the “vulnerability” stage, this is a transformative phase in a relationship that emerges after couples have successfully navigated the challenges and uncertainties of the questioning stage. 

Acceptance of each other’s imperfections is a hallmark of this stage. It is a period of profound self-disclosure, where fears, insecurities, past traumas, and deeply held secrets are shared with unwavering trust and acceptance.

5. Stability Stage

Reaching this “commitment” stage signifies a mature and lasting love. Couples have overcome challenges, learned to communicate effectively, and developed a deep sense of commitment and appreciation for each other. 

Vasopressin, the same hormone released during intimate moments, floods your system, fostering a deep sense of attachment and connection with your partner.^(ref) This biochemical surge creates a profound bond, leaving couples feeling content and fulfilled, even as the initial sparks of passion settle into a warm and steady glow.

Source:

1. Dr. Linda Papadopoulos reference on dailymail.co.uk