Growing up without parental affection can profoundly shape your emotional and social development, leaving lasting marks on adulthood. From low self-esteem to struggles with trust and attachment, these challenges often stem from unmet emotional needs during childhood.
Here are 10 ways a lack of parental warmth can affect you as an adult, highlighting patterns that might help you better understand your feelings and behaviors—and take steps toward healing.
1. Depressed & Anxious
If you felt a lack of warmth from your parents growing up, you’re more likely to feel depression and anxiety as an adult. Studies show that this early lack of affection can make you see things in a negative light and handle social situations poorly, which can worsen mental health problems.
For example, research shows that people who felt little affection from their parents often have more intense depression symptoms later in life, partly due to difficulties in their relationships and marriages. (ref)
2. Difficulty Managing Emotions
Growing up without enough parental warmth can make it hard to control your emotions as an adult. You might find it challenging to manage feelings in different situations, often feeling anxious or depressed as a result.
Research shows that emotional neglect in childhood can make it tough to handle emotions in adulthood, which can also affect your relationships with others. (ref)
3. Low Self-Esteem
When you don’t receive enough affection from your parents, it’s common to feel low self-esteem that follows you into adulthood. This can make you feel inadequate and unworthy, making it harder to interact positively with others or go after your goals.
Studies reveal that early neglect can lead to lower self-worth in adults, making it challenging to build healthy relationships and are less able to take another’s point of view. (ref)
4. Relationship Struggles
If someone lacks affection from your parents, they may find it hard to form close relationships. Trust issues, fear of abandonment, and difficulty communicating can make it challenging to have stable romantic relationships.
Studies show that early emotional neglect can make it hard to form secure bonds, leading to relationship conflicts and dissatisfaction. (ref)
5. Higher Risk of Destructive Behaviors
A lack of affection growing up is often linked to behaviors like substance abuse, risky sexual choices, or even criminal behavior. When you feel emotionally neglected, you might turn to these actions as ways to cope or get attention.
People who went through trauma in childhood often struggle with alcohol or drug dependency. They may deny how much their past hardships affect them, especially if their parents caused the pain, and create a false self-image to cope instead of isolating themselves. (ref)
6. Higher Levels of Neuroticism
People who received little affection from their parents are more likely to have high levels of neuroticism as adults.
Neuroticism means you might feel emotionally unstable, anxious, or moody. Research shows that the less warmth you feel from your parents, the more likely you are to develop these traits as you grow up. (ref)
7. Difficulty with Trust & Attachment
If someone didn’t get much affection from their parents, they might find it hard to trust others in relationships. This struggle often comes from insecure attachment styles developed as a child.
Research shows that almost 40% of children in the US don’t have strong emotional connections with their parents. (ref) These are people who often have anxious or avoidant attachment styles, making it challenging to build healthy, trusting relationships as adults.
8. Increased Aggression & Hostility
As adults, they might feel more aggressive or hostile. Findings indicate that low perceived parental warmth, especially from fathers, is associated with increased child-to-parent violence (CPV).
Both emotional and behavioral factors contribute, with adolescents feeling less supported or connected to their parents often engaging in higher CPV.(ref) This aggression can also come out in conflicts with others and in social situations.
9. Difficulty Managing Stress
Early environments have lasting effects on a child’s brain and hormone levels. Studies show that children raised in deprived settings, like orphanages, have higher levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, even years later. (ref)
For example, Romanian orphans from the 1980s had much higher cortisol levels at ages six to 12 if they spent over eight months in an orphanage, compared to those adopted sooner.
Additionally, children from deprived backgrounds show different levels of oxytocin and vasopressin, which are linked to bonding and emotions, despite years in a family home. (ref)
10. Impaired Social Skills
When you don’t have responsive relationships as a child, it can seriously harm your development and well-being. Feeling threatened triggers stress responses in your body, and too much stress can negatively affect how your brain develops.
According to studies, early neglect can disrupt healthy development and have lasting impact. Unreliable or absent responses from adults can also affect how you learn and connect with others. (ref)
While the effects of missing warmth from parents can be challenging, recognizing them is the first step toward making positive changes. By seeking support and building healthier relationships, you can work towards overcoming these challenges and leading a more fulfilling life.
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Nancy Maffia
Nancy received a bachelor’s in biology from Elmira College and a master’s degree in horticulture and communications from the University of Kentucky. Worked in plant taxonomy at the University of Florida and the L. H. Bailey Hortorium at Cornell University, and wrote and edited gardening books at Rodale Press in Emmaus, PA. Her interests are plant identification, gardening, hiking, and reading.
