The Mystery of Letting Go: Can We Choose When We Die?

The idea that humans might possess some degree of control over their moment of death is both intriguing and unsettling. 

While science explains the physical processes of dying, certain studies hint at a correlation between psychological factors such as depression, social isolation, and a lack of purpose, and an increased risk of what’s termed ‘psychogenic death’ – passing away without a clear medical explanation.¹ 

But can we truly choose when to let go?

The Power of the Mind at the End of Life

While science describes the physical process of dying, many hospice workers believe there’s truth to the idea that people can hold on to life until they’re ready to let go.^(ref) This ability to resist death, even for a short while, remains a fascinating mystery.

Dr. Toby Campbell, a cancer specialist, told STAT News that his colleagues wouldn’t be surprised if someone suggested that people have some control over their final moments.^(ref) While it’s unexplained, many believe it’s possible. Science hasn’t fully explored this phenomenon yet, but there are some theories.

Hormonal Connection

The idea that people might have some control over their moment of death raises intriguing questions about the potential mechanisms behind it. One possible explanation is the role of hormones.

As the body approaches death, changes occur in hormone levels. Research has shown that certain hormones, such as endorphins, are released in larger quantities during the dying process.^(ref) These natural pain relievers and mood enhancers may create a sense of peace and acceptance, allowing individuals to let go more easily.  

Also, a decrease in stress hormones like cortisol may contribute to early mortality.^(ref) This reduction might trigger a subconscious awareness of the impending end. This heightened awareness might empower individuals to make a final choice, whether to continue fighting or to embrace the inevitable.

It’s possible that these hormonal changes, combined with other factors like psychological readiness and social connections, contribute to the phenomenon of individuals seemingly choosing their time of departure.

Ultimately, more research is needed to fully understand the role of hormones and other biological factors in the process of dying.

Letting Go When Death is Near

Death, whether expected or sudden, can be a jarring experience. Many grapple with anticipatory grief, feeling the weight of loss even before their loved one passes. While the dying may have unique perspectives based on their experiences, regrets, often centered on relationships, are common.^(ref)

Dr. Ira Byock, a palliative care advocate, believes we have some agency in how we die. In his book, “Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life,” he believes that we can choose how we die.^(ref) 

He urges the dying to express love, forgiveness, and gratitude. For those left behind, assuring their loved one that it’s okay to let go can bring immense comfort.

Whether your loved one is clinging to life for precious moments with you or experiencing a final surge of vitality, understanding their needs and offering support is important. Saying words like “I love you,” “I forgive you,” “Forgive me,” and “Thank you” should be shared openly between loved ones and the person nearing the end of their life.

Recognizing their feelings, expressing your own love, and granting them permission to depart peacefully can make their final journey less arduous.

While death is inevitable, open communication and heartfelt exchanges can transform the experience into one of closure and acceptance.

Source:

1. British Journal of General Practice