They say marriage is a beautiful box full of riddles, surprises, and compromises… but it’s not always a bed of roses. While some couples make it through thick and thin, others falter along the way, leading to a painful end.
In the United States, the divorce rate1 hovers around 50%, a staggering figure that begs the question: why do so many marriages fail?
1. Poor Communication
A lack of open and honest dialogue can breed misunderstandings, resentment, and a growing emotional distance between partners.
It’s not uncommon for one partner to feel unheard or misunderstood, leading to a buildup of frustration and a sense of loneliness within the marriage. If left unaddressed, this communication breakdown can spiral into a vicious cycle of arguments and unresolved conflicts, ultimately driving a wedge between the couple.
2. Infidelity
Whether it’s a one-night stand or a full-blown affair, the emotional and psychological aftermath of unfaithfulness can be catastrophic. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, infidelity accounts for a staggering 20-40% of divorces in the United States. (ref)
When the sacred bond of trust is shattered, it can be excruciatingly difficult to piece it back together. In many cases, the damage is simply too severe to overcome, leaving divorce as the only viable option.
3. Money Problems
They say money can’t buy happiness, but a lack of it can certainly breed marital discord.
Financial stress is a major contributing factor to the breakdown of marriages, with couples often clashing over spending habits, debt management, and differing financial goals. According to a 2018 survey by Ramsey Solutions, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. (ref)
4. Lack of Intimacy
Physical and emotional intimacy are the glue that binds a marriage together, and when that intimacy starts to wane, trouble often ensues. It’s not just about the physical aspect – emotional intimacy, including acts of affection, deep conversations, and quality time together, is equally important.
Without that intimate connection, partners can start to feel more like roommates than lovers, leading to a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction within the marriage.
5. Incompatibility
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we realize that we’ve married someone who is fundamentally incompatible with us. It could be differing values, goals, or lifestyles – whatever the case may be, these irreconcilable differences can create a rift that’s impossible to bridge.
6. Constant Conflict
While conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, some couples find themselves in a never-ending cycle of arguments and hostility. Whether it’s due to unresolved issues from the past, poor communication skills, or deep-seated resentment, this constant state of discord can be incredibly damaging to a marriage.
7. Lack of Commitment
In the early stages of a relationship, commitment often feels like a given – a natural extension of the love and devotion shared between two people. However, as time passes and the novelty wears off, some couples find themselves struggling to maintain that same level of dedication.
It’s all too easy for the marriage to crumble under the weight of daily stresses and challenges if both parties don’t have a solid commitment to making the relationship work.
8. Substance Abuse
Substance abuse, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, or even compulsive behaviors like gambling, can wreak havoc on a marriage. According to studies, couples who struggle with addiction are significantly more likely to divorce than those who don’t. (ref)
Addiction can strain a relationship in countless ways, from financial strain and broken trust to emotional neglect and physical abuse.
9. Mental Health Issues
Just as substance abuse can take a toll on a marriage, so too can untreated mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other mental health conditions can create a myriad of challenges for couples, from communication breakdowns to emotional distance and even violence.
10. Unrealistic Expectations
All too often, couples enter into marriage with a romanticized, unrealistic view of what married life will be like. Like expecting their partner to be their everything to believing that love alone will conquer all, these unrealistic expectations can set couples up for disappointment and disillusionment.
As soon as reality fails to live up to these idealized notions, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, resentment, and even a sense of betrayal within the relationship.
11. Toxic Relatives
While a marriage is supposed to be a union between two people, it’s not uncommon for toxic relatives to insert themselves into the equation, causing chaos and discord. Usually it’s overbearing in-laws, meddling parents, or siblings with a vendetta, but whatever they may be, these external forces can create unnecessary strain on a couple’s relationship. (ref)
12. Domestic Violence
Domestic violence- physical, emotional, or psychological- is an insidious force that can quickly unravel even the strongest of marriages. It is present in approximately 20% of divorces in the United States. (ref)
When one partner exerts control and power over the other through violence or abuse, it creates an environment of fear, trauma, and a complete breakdown of trust and respect within the relationship.
13. Failure to Prepare
They say practice makes perfect, but a lot of divorced couples admit they had little to no premarital education or counseling before tying the knot. Entering into a lifelong commitment without the tools to communicate, resolve conflict, and nurture the relationship is setting yourself up for failure. (ref)
Premarital counseling, reading books, attending workshops – doing the work to prepare for the realities of married life is crucial. Skipping these steps is like jumping into the deep end before learning how to swim.
14. Growing Apart
Sometimes, marriages don’t end with a bang but rather a whimper.
As the years pass, some couples find themselves growing apart, slowly but surely, until they’re essentially living parallel lives under the same roof.
The Beauty in the Attempt
There’s a poem called “Failing and Flying” by Jack Gilbert (ref) that goes:
“…I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed?”
This poignant question resonates deeply when we consider the myriad reasons that can lead to the dissolution of a once-loving union.
And even in the face of such challenges, there is a beauty and grace in the attempt itself – in the willingness to love, to compromise, and to weather the storms of life side-by-side.
Source:
- https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/09/14/as-u-s-marriage-rate-hovers-at-50-education-gap-in-marital-status-widens/
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Martha A. Lavallie
Martha is a journalist with close to a decade of experience in uncovering and reporting on the most compelling stories of our time. Passionate about staying ahead of the curve, she specializes in shedding light on trending topics and captivating global narratives. Her insightful articles have garnered acclaim, making her a trusted voice in today's dynamic media landscape.